Tag Archive: Art Deco middle aged bastard


Why you make me work so hard
When you know that all I want
Is to make your money grow?
You’re like a baby
Who don’t got nowhere to go
I feel you eyeing me
You keep it on the low

But I can’t let you in
And I can’t keep you out
I wait for life to end
But it never comes around
And I can’t hear you call
And I can’t hear me shout

I wait for it to break
But it never comes around

And I’m lonely
Feeling like I’m falling apart

Annunci

E queste notti.

Dalle 9 a chissà che ora del primo mattino.

Take out a lato del notebook, tu che mi racconti qualsiasi ed ogni possibile cosa che possa farmi ridere come una matta e farmi andare la Cola su per il naso.

I tuoi occhi che mi sorridono mentre lavoriamo al tavolo.

La sigaretta che fila fumo nella stessa mano che ha guidato la chevrolet darling.

Potrei ferire per non perdere queste notti, Ti.

Eppure…

Fräulein, did you think about that job?

Yeah. I am actually.

Oh…

And you say nothing else.

There are things I want to say to you but I’ll just let you live. [LDR-NFR!]

The mood I get when lackin sleep.

The thoughts I’m having out of the blue.

My legs hurtin’ going up roads that I knew so well.

Working something new, scared shitless.

I need new roads to travel even if I don’t like to stray.

At this rate Christmas will only be a day of December in the calendar.

A new project, no more writing nights.

Seeing Ti less, not really caring much.

Still…

I like to drive for long hours.

Alone.

There’s freedom in the curves and bumps of the road.

I don’t mind driving in the rain as long as it is not near hurricane strength. The chevrolet darling can take well even flooded streets and windshields stay clear under buckets of water.

She (she, not it) is a big american well made elephant and gives me a ton of security (and horsepower ! 😅)

I love to drive her in the night as I put in high wattage lamps for the long headlights.

And – following some much needed advice – with some help I finally had precision wheel camber made on her.

It’s already a few months actually and man if she runs now, no need for extra throttle anywhere, sometimes she’s almost scary downhill and uphill the acceleration is just out of this world.😅

Even the autonomy has improved to the point I see the change in the odometer.

I’m in love with my car and I’ve gotta a feel for my automobile (sorry for the word plagiarism Taylor darling! 😘)

Thing is Ti hates her.

Truly hates her.

With a passion.

All of her awesome wholeness and horsepower.

We had discussions over her.

Not very friendly discussions a couple of times (mainly when the gas pump broke and the year before the ignition coil just left me stranded in the middle of nowhere up a fucking hill).

But I’m not budging.

Chevy darling is my big baby and he can walk on foot for all I care.

Or take one of his damned trains (we’ve had discussions about them yes!)

I never liked trains, I always thought of them as dangerous steeltraps, secured to not very secured supports.

Sometimes when I know his train just arrived at destination I text him on purpose or I watch for delays on the news…

I’m scared shitless by trains for you are seated with no control over it and I never had much faith in people in general.

But you cannot ignore the engine gaining force, the wind cut by her shape starting an aerodynamical vortex, the high speed steering control disabled to better feel the curve (this is quite dangerous, don’t try it if you don’t know what you’re doing!!!).

I have faith in controllable machines.

I have faith in the Chevrolet darling maybe more than I should.

Cars don’t talk back they’re just four wheeled friends now
When I’m holding your wheel
All I hear is your gear
When I’m cruisin’ in overdrive
Don’t have to listen to no run of the mill talk jive

 

Whirlwind you are, shaking my old leaves

I watch you through the day, silent.

in the early mornings, while you still sleep.

I watch you and think many thoughts, more or less difficult.

I watch you when you drive us away to someplace else in this little holiday taken.

I don’t think I’ll ever tire out.

Colours extravagant and the sharp perfume of lavender.

The cadence of your voice in another tongue.

Earth blood red, diffusing its colour to light brown.

But the sky is down under my feet, the height of my waist.

Blue lavender, as far as I can see.

A sky made of flowers that sways in the evening as the sun leaves us in the shade and the perfume gets sharper.

Ecco fiori per voi:
lavanda fragrante, menta, santoreggia, maggiorana,
il fiorrancio, che va a letto col sole
e con lui s’alza, piangendo: questi son fiori
di mezza estate, e io penso che si diano
a uomini di mezza età.
(William Shakespeare)

4540

La MTB è in riparazione…deo gracias…e a quanto pare si è fatta meno male della sottoscritta! 😝
Io invece corro come una matta sulla chevrolet darling alla non ci fosse un domani.
Gli affari bisogna prenderli al volo! 😎
Peccato che se si lavora quasi 20 ore al giorno bisogna anche fare i conti con il frigo vuoto e la lavatrice prima o poi…
Questa settimana sono sopravvissuta a latte, biscotti e saikebon notturni e il ciclo malato inizia a vedersi sigh!
Ho sonno…tanto che oggi mi sono coricata 10 minuti alla scrivania ed invece erano passate 2 ore a ronfare….😅
E vabbè dai prima o poi le acque si calmeranno un po’ e potrò godermi un 72 ore di ‘morte cybernetica’ anch’io senza troppi rimorsi…💤🌴🍹🥰

4477

We have our idiosyncrasies.
Sometimes I truly hate him, so much I want to tackle him and his fucking heavy-lifting frame with my 50 kilograms.
Other days he makes me purr, no-one’s ever done it before.
I could live wrapped around him like a tiny monkey, my arms around his neck and my face in his back…a living backpack.
Better place to sit on his lap and err…well…
I adore him when he drives delicately my chevrolet darling, when he lends me his shirts to use as pajamas (even his defeated look when this happens), his wardrobe, the quality of the morning light through his kitchen window, his cooking, the rings of smoke he blows when he’s thinking hard.
The smile when he understands he’s winning big, the way he goes for it like there’ll be no tomorrow.
How he walks in after we have a fight, totally aplomb.

Ti is still him.
I am still me.
We just walk side by side down the same road.
Happy & Glorious.

Fin.

pexels-photo-908629.jpeg

Photo by Ale Usama on Pexels.com

4440

I hear the creaks.

Something is breaking.

Or maybe we are just stretching the kinks out of our bones.

I guess I like more the second thought.

For the first time now I’m thinking the thing between us is not going to work anymore, Ti.

You want more than what I’m trying to give you.

You want 200%.

Not only my work, my mortal coil or my mind.

You want all of it, the words out of my mouth, the words I promised my freshly adult self of twelve years ago I will never utter to anyone anywhere anytime for the rest of my sorry assed life.

I don’t like to be owned, Ti.

You asked one damned question some weeks ago – the one you shouldn’t ask – and all I heard were links rattling on a chain.

If you keep pushing this on me I’ll bolt like a hare.

The hard part is knowing you’re actually convinced this is the right way.

The correct way.

The only way.

In other words fuck Nietzsche.

4412

Oggi.

Fra nebbie e nervoso e calca.

Ressa e semi-silenzio.

Telefonate non volute ed anche alcune che ho desiderato ma sono divenute sabbie mobili.

Gente che non capisce la parola ‘impegnata’…Povero Ti!

Ed io che inforco la bici e vado.

Sí vado per non litigare e si salvi chi può.

Poi il ritorno, ore in auto.

Altro silenzio.

Io che mi dirigo in cucina pronta a prosciugare mezzo litro di tè e quindi una bella doccia.

E nella cucina ci ritrovo Ti, seduto su una delle seggiole in paziente attesa, non dovrebbe nemmeno esserci secondo la sua agenda.

Un’occhiata mi basta.

A lui no.

No.

No.

Ci sono domande che non si fanno.

Non così.

Soprattutto non a me. Mai a me.

Don’t do it, just don’t.

Life is already a bitch.

Sera, tramonto, dopocena, quindi Ti alla guida della chevrolet darling ed è già notte.
“Do you have a thing for him, Fräulein?”
“Whom?”
rispondo, senza pensare mentre controllo lo smartphone.
Silenzio.
Blocco lo schermo e mi volto a guardarlo, il profilo illuminato dai lampioni.
“What were you talking about?”
“Leave it.”
“You sure?”
Non aggiunge niente mentre l’auto corre a velocità stabile fra gallerie e macchie di luna calante.
“Ti.”
“Yes?”
“Have I ever watched someone else the way I look at you?”
No, le fatidiche paroline non mi sono ancora uscite ed inizio a credere che non mi usciranno mai.
Rimane però che fra me e lui non ci sono ombre, un vero record a questo giro di boa.
“Fräulein.”
“Yes?”
“Want breakfast?”
“Famished.”
“Good, my treat, after that is your turn to drive us home.”
“‘kay.”
“SLOWLY.”

Sometimes there’s much more in the hidden thoughts, the unsaid words, the laughter and the quiet.
Running back where everything started.
We haven’t changed.
We are still here.
The first day we met was a dark day, full of bitter facets and scorn.
Yet you’ve came and stayed.
I can be hard at times, evil and difficult.
Still you’re here and you make my world revolve.

Oh,

Those shades leaden with so near blinding sun heat.

Black asphalt to run on carefree.

Me double mirrored on his sunglasses.

No places to be.

Sand under my naked feet.

Sweet smelling jasmine and ice-mint whiskeys.

My big dark blue straw hat, yes just the one that gives me that 30s diva look and he always fingers up to watch my eyes.

And that road never-ending under a sky so blue.

I was just so happy in those 3 days, Ti.

The sea scent lingering, the torches still lit and the laughter ringing in my ears.

“Are you daydreaming, Fräulein?”

“What if I do?”

“Keep your dreams close.”

I just smile, tightening my hold on his hand.

“I think I shall.”

  1. Driving fast;
  2. Stay in the dark;
  3. Walking home late at night;
  4. What others could think;
  5. Say my ideas as they are;
  6. Find myself a place to live where I can be what I am;
  7. If I have to I’ll destroy anything in my path with no remorse;
  8. Being truthful when no one is;
  9. I can be quite cruel if someone drives me to be;
  10. Cling to a tiny idea and create something of enormous proportions (writers know what I mean!😁)

Bonus

11. The ‘Holy Fucking Shit!’ I exclaimed this morning at full volume seeing Ti’s attire for the day and his smug grin while he lit up his cigarette, someday he’ll definitely find the right combo for making me faint on the spot, I just know it. 😍

There are days like today.
Where I’m so fed up when I stop working in the evening.
When I just snap at little things going wrong, screaming.
I don’t have the patience to prepare my customary cup of tea before dinner nor the desire to eat, and already I skipped lunch and breakfast, like a total moron.
I’m so primitively mad I have no regrets saying ‘Fuck you!’ to the world in general.
That’s when I put my phone on hold, close the door and make a dive for the bed, punching everything I can reach.
It’s childish but harmless.
I usually get up after that for a hot bath + washing my hair.
That doesn’t really help much but I usually feel human again.
These are the days without Ti.
I can’t help it, I tried.

He’s away a lot this days and I’m deprived of my favourite ray of sunshine.
He makes me happy, he makes me angry, he knows how and has the smile of an angel.

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